Marie-Monster (animalunaris) wrote,

It's a new year and I'm not sure how I feel or what my next steps are. I know my heart is currently made of the London Grammar song - Sights and Lapsley - Falling Short, these are songs on repeat for me right now.

I'm not sure if I'm in love, or not, happy or depressed or bipolar, ha. I know that each day I wake up and function and move forward to the next day and that right there is an achievement.

I am trying to stop measuring my level of failure, trying not to let criticism and bad energy into my life, not let it affect my life. I'm braver and stronger and more stable than I'm given credit for, all I can do is continue to prove that by surviving but I know so few people really believe I'm capable of pulling myself out of this hole.

Currently struggling with night shift induced insomnia which is great, may not manage to sleep at all before work tomorrow. Sleep dep always makes my sanity like SO much better.
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I feel you, dude.

I'm currently struggling with the idea that I seem to be an entirely different person on the BC pill, and that may include who I'm attracted to, but we'll see. I hate not knowing which emotions/feelings are really mine/really bipolar/really messed up hormones.

*hugs if you want them*
I have faith - I've seen you work hard at getting yourself out of undesirable situations before. I'm starting to sense that everyone probably thinks there's something wrong with them because other people seem to be dong life fine, not realising that most other people are doing what they have to to get to tomorrow and worrying about their performance behind the scenes. I'm coming to accept this as normal. We're all fine, I think.